Parents Zone
Healthy and Positive Eating Habits
Many parents often lament how they are waging a war daily at the dining table. They take a great deal of effort to prepare a scrumptious spread of dishes, and yet the food in their child’s bowl remains untouched. Parents may get disappointed, angry, and also concerned that their child would not have adequate nutrition to grow taller. I hope the following four tips can help you to reduce the worries caused by your child’s dietary habits!
Tip 1: Setting Mealtime Boundaries
Set a target mealtime together with your child and give appropriate prompts halfway through the meal. For example, try to set a reasonable rule of “finishing a meal in 30 minutes”, and then gently remind your child of the remaining time in the final 15 minutes of the mealtime. You can also use a visual reminder such as a clock, hourglass, or timer.
Tip 2: Take A Consistent and Firm Stance
Parents must maintain a consistent and firm stance when their child gets distracted during meals. For example, if a child makes a din, as he/she wants to watch TV while eating, we recommended that parents maintain a consistent attitude in guiding the child to follow appropriate mealtime rules.
“We must finish our meal first before turning the TV on. If we don't eat quickly, we will have less time to watch TV.”
Tip 3: Give Positive Encouragement and Praises
Praising your child’s good behaviour in a timely manner can have a positive influence, and help to reinforce their motivation to eat. When a child makes an effort to try out food items that he/she dislikes and resists, parents can reward them with small tokens such as stickers and stamps on a reward chart to reinforce their good behaviour.
For example, “Daddy appreciates your willingness to try.”
“Mummy sees that you are making an effort to eat, let me give you a stamp on your reward chart!”
Tip 4: Offer a Fun Variety of Foods
The use of brightly coloured ingredients to prepare your dishes will attract the child’s attention and make them more motivated to eat. Parents can also create food in different shapes or cartoon characters during holidays, festivities, or in their free time to add an element of surprise for their child. Making meals fun can help to strengthen the child’s positive behaviour and improve the parent-child relationship.
Wonderful Way to Boost the Parent-Child Relationship
Engage your child with tasks in the kitchen, such as asking them to break an egg, rinse rice, and measure the flour to enhance the parent-child relationship.
How to Parent a Clingy Child
Don’t be upset! Try out these tips
A parent’s life is hectic. Especially when you are busy with chores, hurrying to work or going out, a clingy child would often make you very upset and feel overwhelmed. Here are five moves you can learn to soothe your child’s emotion and enrich his/her schedule, so that you may work in peace or enjoy some “ME TIME”.
Useful Tips
Be positive
Parents are a mirror of their children. Children always imitate their parents’ words and actions. Stay calm and speak positively. Children will learn to express themselves calmly.
For example, your child keeps calling you when you are away. I know you might be having a headache, but please take a breath and tell your child gently, “Mom misses you too. I’m going to buy ice-cream. Let’s have some ice-cream when I come home.”
Reflect feelings
Children often have emotions. However, children may not be aware of their own emotions, and they may not know that they are over-expressing them. Parents may help children express themselves with some “mind-reading magic”:
For example, “I see that you are pouting your lips (facial expression/behaviour). It looks like you are unhappy... (feeling/emotion).”
Synchronise emotions
Children always want to be with their parents and seek to connect with them. Parents can use words and deeds to make their children feel understood. This tacit understanding of “you cry, I cry; you laugh, I laugh” can establish good security support for children and also reduce their separation anxiety.
For example, “Dad knows that you want to go to work with me (the reason why the child is unhappy). Dad doesn’t want to leave you too. I’ll come home to play with you once I’ve finished work!”
Tell your child the limitations
Let children understand the current restrictions and help them learn to face things that do not work the way they want.
For example, “The market is too crowded. It is too dangerous for children. Mom can’t bring you along!”
Enrich your child’s schedule
Before you go out, make specific arrangements for your child to have fun to distract him/her from clinging to you. When your child calls to tell you he/she misses you, use the above four strategies to calm him/her, and then shift his/her attention to specific things. Don’t forget to praise him/her for being able to play by themselves to reinforce his/her good behaviour when you return home.
For example, “The handicraft you made this morning is so creative! Mommy appreciates that you can play by yourself! And you even finished it nicely!”
A Magic for Parent-Child Relationship
The hand shadow game: Spare 10 minutes before bed. Cast shadows of your hands with light. Tell stories with the shadows. Enjoy the fun with your child.
Disciplinary Sharing about Children Breaking Promises
Teaching Approach to Reneging Kids
Parents, have you ever been troubled by the situations that your children promise something casually, but then eat their words? For example, your children agree to play in the park for a while then go home, but finally they refuse to leave and end up crying? Or when you go to a toy store with your children, they insist on your buying a toy before leaving, which causes parent-child conflict? Here I will share with you some coping methods to prevent children from becoming rambunctious and avoid unnecessary conflicts!
Coping methods
Respond to their feelings, set clear boundaries and give specific instructions
When children are rambunctious, parents can first understand their feelings and then establish restrictions and give instructions. For example, when children are reluctant to leave the park, parents can say: "I know you really want to play, but it's time for us to go." or "I saw you had a good time in the park, but it's dark now and we are going home for dinner." Parents can also make use of special parent-child rituals or gestures to confirm their commitments, such as giving a "high five", making a pinky promise or pressing the "start" button and so on.
Advanced agreement and early notification
While watching a wonderful movie, being interrupted and not getting what you want is emotionally disruptive. It is even more difficult for children, who are still learning to control their emotions and adapt to changes. Parents can give advanced notification before their children become reckless, so that children can be mentally prepared early. For example, parents can remind their children before entering the park by saying that: "You can play in the park for an hour today, then we will go back home." or "When the timer beeps later, we will have to leave."
Specific instructions
When parents give their children instructions, they need to tell them what to do in detail. Young children cannot fully understand vague instructions, so parents' instructions must be concise, specific and positive. For example, parents can change "clean the room" into "put the toys back into the toy box". Parents can also allow 5-10 seconds for their children to digest the instructions. If parents think that is something which the children should do, avoid asking him questions such as "Is it okay?" or "Can you do that?", to avoid giving them a reason to refuse out of respect.
When giving specific instructions, parents can try to follow these steps:
1. Approach the children, make eye contact with them and call them by their names.
2. Instructions: We have to leave the park (allow 5-10 seconds or you can give instructions twice).
3. Children who follow your instructions can be given immediate praise. For example: "You have done a good job
by keeping your promise and leaving the park immediately!" If the children don't follow your instructions, you can
tell them the consequences. For example: "As you haven't kept your promise, tonight’s parent-child reading/playing
time is canceled” (allow 5-10 seconds for the children to understand).
Smart Tips for Nurturing Parent-child Relationship
Parents can spend 10-15 minutes every day on playing a game with their children to create quality parent-child time. Parents can play intimate interactive games with their children with cotton balls. For example, parents can first let their children lie on the bed and close their eyes, then gently touch their body with a cotton ball, and let them open their eyes and guess which body part was just touched (if they cannot express it in words yet, they can point out the parts with their fingers). Parents can also take turns taking the roles of touching and guessing with their children. During the playing process, a sense of intimacy can be built with their children through physical contact.
Disciplined Lifestyle and Routine
Useful tips on managing your lifestyle
From time to time, parents share various difficulties in their lives. Parents are always frustrated by their children's reluctance to eat, their unwillingness to go to bed at night or to get up in the morning. These situations are related to the child's ability to establish a routine. Here are two tips on how to establish a routine for your child.
Strategies:
Establish a fixed schedule of rest
By setting a daily schedule with your child, you will help your child understand the daily routine and work schedule, which will help them to follow the agreed rules and learn to manage their time. Parents can also include cute and easy-to-understand picture cards to enhance the playfulness and clarity of the daily routine.
Control the environment
By reducing temptations such as TV, tablets and toys at appropriate times and providing a good learning and eating environment for your child, you can help your child focus on a disciplined lifestyle. Parents should also try to set an example by being the role model for their children during meals. It is also advisable to set a regular place for your child to study and keep it tidy so that your child can develop good study habits.
As a parent, you will have to go through numerous stages of trial and error to establish a good routine for your child, and finally, here are two tips to keep your child motivated in times of fatigue:
Tip 1: Timely Rewards
Reward your child when they improve their behaviour or reach their goals. For example, a sticker, a playtime with mum, a delicious meal or dessert. These rewards help to reinforce good behaviour and facilitate the parent-child relationship.
Tip 2: Appropriate Consequences
If the child does not follow the rules, parents should try to keep calm. Take a firm stance and follow through with appropriate consequences. For example, stopping cartoons for three days, or temporarily suspending their favourite strawberries for two days.
Remember: the above rewards and punishments need to be consistent with all carers, with plenty of encouragement and reminders to achieve results.
Parent-child relationship strategy
Take turns drawing each other's portraits to increase their bonding time. Spend a few minutes gazing at each other's features, even touching each other's eyebrows, noses, mouths and ears, and then draw them on paper. Instead of commenting on the quality of the child's work, focus on the interaction with the child and enjoy the intimacy and fulfilment that the art activity brings.
Intergenerational Parenting and Communication
Intergenerational Parenting and Communication
Having an elderly person at home is like having a treasure. However, when it comes to caring and getting along with each other, we often hear the "sandwich class" parents talk about their conflicts with the older generation, and we also hear the "elders" of the family share the frustration of not getting along with their children when it comes to parenting their grandchildren. Fortunately, regardless of the conflicts involved, both the 'elders' and the 'sandwich class' are people who love their children, who are there to lean on in times of trouble, and who are there to provide shelter in times of trouble.
Here are four tips on how you can easily practise effective intergenerational parenting.
Strategies: Consistent discipline to reduce conflict
Positive attitude:
Respect each other's philosophy of parenting, trust and gratitude for each other's selfless support, and create the best possible environment for your child to be supported.
Good communication:
The best way to parent with the elderly is to communicate openly and understand each other's situation. For example, "Mum, we understand that you love your grandson and want him to be happy, but we think eating too many snacks before dinner will spoil his appetite for dinner! If you want to reward him, you can give it to him before 3pm.
Consistent rules:
Establish and implement basic rules together, and review them at family meetings when special circumstances or difficulties arise. For example, the rest schedule for children, the division of labour between parents and grandparents, computer time limits, refreshment arrangements, etc. Occasionally, a smart child takes advantages to be "spoiled", so it is important for adults to remember that you are "on the same page" and respond together with the same rules and tone.
Make good use of third-party resources:
New parents and new grandparents are always developing their own parenting skills without realising it. However, it must have taken a great deal of bonding, communication, effort and improvement to develop these secrets. If there are knots that cannot be untied in terms of getting along, bonding and communication, you may consider seeking outside resources. For example, social workers in kindergartens, child care services, integrated family service centres, etc. can help to improve relationships and reduce the stress of parenting.
Parent-child relationship strategy:Build quality parent-child time
Create a family atmosphere: Take lots of group photos with the young and old and decorate your home.
Emotional Support for Children
No need to be afraid of tantrums, communicate with your heart and not with threats
Does your child always get upset when he/she wants to buy a toy? Is it hard to teach your child not to throw tantrums? Of course, parents wouldn't give in to all their children's requests, but it is embarrassing to have a child crying in public. Here's a golden formula (ACT) for parent-child communication to help you ease your child's emotions.
Strategies:
1.Acknowledge the feelings
When a child is upset, parents can start by understanding and responding to the child's feelings at the moment. By understanding that the child is feeling sad, disappointed and angry from their perspective, the child will understand that their feelings are understood and accepted. This helps the child to recognise and express his or her emotional state.
For example, "I know you like this toy car, and would like to take it home...".
2.Communicate the limit
Responding to a child's emotional state is not the same as accepting inappropriate behaviour. After a child has expressed their emotions, parents need to let their child know that there are still limits to their behaviour and that it should conform to the “three don’ts”: don't hurt others, don't hurt yourself and don't break things. Parents need to explain the rules and limits, not just "say no", but clearly state what you do not accept.
For example, "But you can't throw a tantrum to express what you want".
3.Target acceptable alternatives
Once the limits have been clearly expressed, parents need to advise their children on appropriate ways to resolve the situation. Parents can start by discussing solutions with their child to learn how to properly vent his/her emotions, or give him/her two alternatives if he/she has difficulty coming up with new solutions. When the child is willing to cooperate, parents can encourage good behaviour by giving specific praise to the child.
For example, "You can choose to stay here and look at the toys, or go to the park for a while".
Parenting Strategy
Establishing a good parent-child relationship is the first step towards effective parenting. Parents can make good use of the 15-30 minutes before bedtime to talk with their children (Pillow Talks With Kids) to develop a sense of intimacy between them. At first, parents can try to praise their child in a one-way manner, e.g. "I appreciate you taking the initiative to clean up your toys today". Later on, parents can try to lead a two-way conversation with their child by reviewing their feelings and thoughts on the day together.
Quality Parent-Child Time
Every parent aspires to give their children the best. Research shows that the quality of parent-child time has a direct impact on children’s emotional development and mental well-being. The more affection and care that parents show, the better the child’s ability is to cope with adversity, and develop self-esteem, self-efficacy and self-regulation. In addition, quality bonding time fosters a strong parent-child relationship and reinforces children’s trust in their parents, thereby enhancing the effectiveness of discipline.
In the pre-school years, children often need parental attention. However, the demands of work and household responsibilities can make it challenging to be constantly available. So, what can be done in such situations?
Three Tips for Quality Parent-Child Time:
1. Brief Moments of Positive Attention
Even amidst countless household chores and work commitments, parents should dedicate brief moments of positive attention to their children. For example, when performing light household chores in the living room, encourage their child to play with their toys nearby, or even involve them in the activity. In the process, parents can observe their children, respond to their actions, and offer words of praise. For example, “I see you playing attentively, and solving problems by yourself. Well done!”
2. Show Empathy for the Child’s Emotional Needs
When children approach their parents, it shows that the child would like to draw their attention or have some other needs. In such moments, try to put aside your own tasks and respond to the child. Express care and affection through physical contact, such as with hugs or by patting their shoulders, and speaking to them in a gentle tone. For instance, respond to their questions by saying, “Mommy's here, is there something I can help you with?” Or by using phrases that express the willingness to listen, such as, “Is that so?” or “Go on, I’m listening”. By offering timely and appropriate responses, being attuned to their child’s emotional changes, and understanding their inner world, parents can help children establish a sense of security.
3. Playing Whole-heartedly, Finding Your Inner Child
Parents should embrace the joy of playing games that may seem childish or repetitive with their child. Adjust your mindset to match the child’s level or even let them take the lead during playtime. Children enjoy playing games such as hide-and-seek, treasure hunts, and tickling games. The laughter and physical contact during such moments enable children to feel their parents' love, fostering a stronger bond and a greater sense of closeness.
Besides daily interaction, we encourage parents to plan outdoor activities with their children during holidays. Whether it’s playing ball at the playground, building sandcastles at the beach, or having picnics in the park, these activities are inexpensive but create lasting memories through enjoyable and quality parent-child time.
Nurturing The Growth & Social Development of Children
The key milestones in a child’s social development involve social skills, emotional expression, self-control and communication skills. According to a research by Harvard University, a child’s social and emotional growth in the first five years of their life is vital for their overall well-being and happiness both at school and in life. The following are some of the changes in growth and social development for children aged 2-6.
Ages 2-3
During this stage, a child’s language abilities, fine and gross motor skills, cognition skills, etc. are still in the process of development. Their social behaviours exhibit a more self-centred approach, and tend to revolve around their own desires. For instance, children often argue over toys, as they think that all toys are their personal belongings, and they may prefer playing alone or having adults as their companions.
Ages 3-4
Children gradually become more independent at this age, they are able to communicate using simple sentences. They start learning to share, take turns, and follow rules in simple games. This stage also marks the beginning of spontaneous imitation and engaging in role-playing games.
Ages 4-5
Children get better to follow instructions, enabling them to actively participate in activities with others and provide simple instructions themselves. They also learn how to show care and concern for others. At this stage, their creativity flourishes, allowing them to create simple games such as sandpit play, and engage in competitive games while understanding the concept of winning and losing, in games such as “red light, green light”.
Ages 5-6
Children’s self-awareness reaches at a more mature level, and they are equipped with better observational skills, self-control and they become more independent. They will start comparing themselves to friends or adults unconsciously, and they become aware of gender differences. At the same time, they develop a preference to spend more time interacting with friends, and choose their own friends and playmates, while seeking to form friendships with their peers. At this stage, children are ready to participate in group games and grasp more complex game concepts and instructions.
How to improve a child’s social skills?
Preschool children can learn social skills through observation, imitation, games, and practical experiences in their daily lives.
*Provide learning opportunities, practice in daily life
Parents can create opportunities for children to practice social skills in various settings, such as visiting friends and relatives, at the playgrounds, and during school activities. Practice with your child by facilitating interactions and playing with different people, so that they can accumulate diverse social experiences and learn how to apply the skills they have acquired in their day-to-day life.
*Give affirmation and rewards accordingly
When children display appropriate social behaviours during interactions, such as polite greetings or taking turns in play, following rules and so on, parents should provide immediate verbal praise or non-verbal gestures of approval. In instances where children exhibit inappropriate behaviour, parents should remain calm, encourage appropriate behaviour, and demonstrate the proper ways of interaction. This approach enables children to learn and internalise correct social behaviours more effectively.
Children’s social and emotional development changes and becomes more complex as they grow. But the good news is that parents play a crucial role in fostering a child’s positive social skills. If parents provide a positive environment for children to express their emotions freely, the parents’ acceptance and affirmation will have a positive influence on their child’s social development.
Activate Multi-sensory Exploration to Unleash Children's Potential
Multi-sensory exploration enables children to comprehend and experience the world through visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, and gustatory stimuli.
While this concept may be familiar to most parents, how can they enrich their children's multi-sensory experiences? Here are three suggestions on how to offer abundant sensory stimulation in everyday life to cultivate children's sensory abilities, enhance cognitive and language skills, and foster their curiosity and an adventurous spirit towards the world.
1.Varied culinary experiences
Food serves as a readily accessible educational tool in daily life. Parents can engage children in meal preparation tasks like washing fruits, mixing ingredients, etc. This involvement allows children to touch, smell, and taste ingredients, facilitating the development of their tactile, olfactory, and gustatory senses. Parents can also prompt children to taste different foods to explore diverse flavours and textures, and describe the tastes and sensations they encounter, thus nurturing their language and sensory development.
2. Multi-sensory artistic endeavours
Art activities, including visual arts, music, and dance, can create wonderful family engagements. Parents simply need to provide a range of materials such as paint, clay, paper and more, and spend time together with their children exploring freely touching, painting, or moulding these materials. During this time, parents can also encourage their children to observe the changes in colours, shapes, or textures, thereby stimulating their visual, tactile, and creative senses. For more energetic children, parents can host a "music party" at home, playing various music genres. Together with their children, they can listen to and feel the rhythms, tones, and volumes while dancing or moving freely, thus engaging their auditory and kinaesthetic senses.
3. Outdoor expeditions
Parents can take their children outdoors to immerse them in sensory experiences in nature. For instance, while on a walk, prompt children to observe different plants and insects, listen to variations in bird calls, and feel the soil's texture. You can also explore parks or beaches together, collecting leaves, rocks, or seashells, and discussing their distinctive features. The diversity of nature not only enriches children’s sensory encounters but also heightens their awareness and appreciation of the natural world.
The above-mentioned methods serve as a starting point for children to explore their multiple senses; engaging in conversations and interactions with young children is crucial for developing their skills in multi-sensory exploration. Therefore, dedicating a bit more time to play games, observe surroundings together, and share observations and experiences, while offering positive feedback and encouragement, is essential for sparking children's interest in learning and nurturing their curiosity for exploration.
Independence Fosters Greater Learning
For parents, granting children autonomy may not always feel like an available choice, as young children often struggle with decision-making. Consequently, parents frequently take on the roles of teachers and guides, particularly in educational matters, steering their children in a more directive manner. However, have parents ever considered allowing their children to take the lead in learning? Does a child-centred approach lead to reduced learning outcomes or a lack of comprehensive understanding?
Reflect on times when you were most engaged and deeply immersed in learning—did it stem from the mandatory school curriculum or from courses you willingly enrolled in? When you are genuinely interested in something, you naturally seek to delve deeper, expanding your knowledge. Independent learning does not equate to absolute freedom from constraints or responsibilities. Rather, providing appropriate guidance and support during a child's learning journey enables them to recognize and develop their decision-making skills.
So, how can parents nurture their children's autonomy?
Firstly, establish effective communication and interaction: Building a strong parent-child relationship lays the groundwork for fostering autonomy. Parents can set aside time each day to engage in play and conversation with their children, respecting their opinions and emotions, and encouraging them to articulate their thoughts. Through open-ended discussions, children enhance their critical thinking skills, grasp diverse viewpoints, and learn to express their own perspectives.
Moreover, in everyday life, parents can empower their children to make appropriate choices, such as selecting meals, outfits, modes of transportation, reading materials, etc., involving them in the decision-making process. This approach can foster the development of children's decision-making skills, enhance their confidence, and deepen their understanding of how their choices can influence outcomes.
Parents should also motivate their children to explore new things, try different activities, acquire fresh skills and knowledge. Whenever feasible, allow children to choose activities they enjoy, while parents explain and describe the content and features of various options, to enable children to engage in activities that resonate with them and nurture their interests.
By fostering children's learning autonomy, their problem-solving skills can flourish further. When children encounter challenges or obstacles, parents can prompt them to think independently and seek solutions. Through inquiry, parents can guide their children in identifying the core issues and developing solutions, thus empowering them to choose how to address the problem.
In essence, independent learning nurtures self-awareness and capability. Through promoting effective communication, providing choices, cultivating problem-solving skills, encouraging exploration of new concepts, and instilling a sense of responsibility, parents can establish an environment where children can learn autonomously. This allows children to grasp learning methodologies, cultivate a self-directed learning attitude, and continuously hone their learning skills.
Empowering Child Development Through Positive Discipline
It is commonly believed that the period between 0 and 6 years of age is a crucial phase for a child's development a time when children are naturally inquisitive about the world and explore it in various ways. During this stage, there may be many instances of making big mistakes. When such situations occur repeatedly, familiar phrases like "Why aren't you listening?" or "Why can't you follow simple instructions?" may arise.
In reality, continual blaming and criticism not only strain the parent-child relationship, but also impact a child's long-term growth. Research conducted jointly by University of Montreal and Stanford University has shown that consistently using harsh parenting approaches can alter a child's brain structure, leading to a reduction in the size of the "prefrontal cortex" and "amygdala", areas responsible for emotional regulation. This can result in increased anxiety in children, subsequently affecting their learning and development.
Therefore, we strongly suggest parents to adopt a positive disciplinary approach, embracing a "growth mindset". Just like muscles, the brain can develop further with exercise, offering ample room for progress and enhancement in intelligence. For example, if a child struggles with self-feeding and parents perceive it as the child simply not knowing how, they might be reluctant to invest time and effort in helping the child improve, thus hindering the child’s learning.
In contrast, when parents have faith in their child's learning capabilities, they tend to adjust their home environment and parenting techniques to provide opportunities for the child to learn to self-feed. Dr Daniel Siegel, a psychiatrist from the United States, emphasizes that "every mistake a child makes is a chance for parents to provide guidance." Belief influences approach. Embracing the concept of a "growth mindset" enables parents to be more patient with their child's errors and missteps in their disciplinary actions.
Moreover, we encourage parents to express appreciation and offer praise to their children. The more children feel acknowledged, the more self-assured they become. When praising children, parents should i) base their compliments on observable facts and ii) highlight the effort made rather than innate abilities or talents.
In his work "Different Children, Different Needs: Understanding the Unique Personality of Your Child", author Charles F. Boyd introduced a three-step method of "descriptive praise":
(1) Describe specific behaviour. "I noticed you always tidy up your toys after playing."
(2) Acknowledge the child's feelings. "I can see this isn't an easy task."
(3) Conclude with positivity. "I appreciate your consistent efforts in tidying up after playtime."
To summarize, positive discipline is about the attitude you choose and it determines the realm. As long as parents are willing to create opportunities for their children to attempt and rectify their mistakes, children can foster a growth mindset through dedicated efforts. By offering praise and encouragement throughout this process, parents can foster a positive parent-child relationship, thereby helping children build self-esteem and a sense of security.